Moving Day

Okay, not really. I moved awhile back but I'm just now getting around to telling you.

I'm not writing here anymore, decided to set up some new digs. Come on over anytime!

http://www.connielowe.blogspot.com/

What Love Looks Like

Not too long ago I sat in a coffee shop with my husband. We got to talking about matters of faith and that’s when I dropped a huge bomb on him. Something I had been trying to keep mum about slipped out.

I wasn’t sure I believed in God anymore.

The minute I finished speaking I was scared. What would he think? Would this alter our relationship? If I did walk away from my faith, what would happen to our marriage?

Richard sat there quietly for a moment. I finally asked him how he felt about what I had just said. He said, “It’s okay.” I was speechless and somewhat confused. He went on to say that he believed God was allowing this for a reason and he felt I would come out of it with a stronger faith. He wasn’t worried. In fact, he was excited. Excited to see what God was about to do.

He couldn’t have said anything more perfect. Not only were my fears alleviated but I had a sense of hope. I sense that God was speaking through him. He was telling me that things would come out okay, more than okay. In fact, I began to get excited.

This is the most telling example of the kind of love that I’m blessed to have. It’s the kind of love Jesus has for me, the kind the Bible said a man should have for his wife. I’m not sharing this to brag but hopefully to encourage someone out there that needs it.

Pray for your husband. Pray for your wife. When they are struggling, don’t condemn. Do what you can and let God do the rest.

I have been through a challenging few years. As anyone who is married or even in a committed relationship knows, if one goes through something the other does as well in some shape or form. Richard has asked if he could help, and when I said yes, he did. When I said no, he was wise enough to just let me be. In those instances, praying and being a silent support. He’d do the dishes or something else to lighten my load in some way.

I really think that’s what love should look like

The battle is not yours

…..thus says the LORD to you, ‘Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15

Awhile back I was deeply anxious about a situation.  It was on me day and night.  I sat down with my Bible one night and although I wanted to read, I didn’t know where to start.  I remembered there were some scriptures I had jotted down but had yet to go back and read. One of them was 2 Chronicles 20:12. I liked the scripture a lot but was interested in the details and surrounding it. I started at the beginning of 2 Chronicles 20 and what I read that night just rocked my world.

Several groups were out to attack Judah. Jehosaphat was afraid and sought the Lord, and proclaimed a fast throughout all of Judah. Judah gathered together to seek help from the Lord. They even came from all of the cities of Judah to seek the Lord. (I am almost sharing this verbatim from the scripture, fyi.)

The first thing to stand out to me was that at the first sight of trouble, Jehosaphat turned to the Lord.

In verses 5-12 Jehosaphat begins to pray to God, verse 12 is my favorite. “O our God, will You not judge them? For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”

For we are powerless….we don’t know what to do….but our eyes are on You. He admitted they could do nothing (in this he acknowledged God as the one with the power), and acknowledged that God was their leader (He should be). Total surrender, total dependence.

The next part is another favorite of mine. So much anticipation……..

All of Judah is standing there with their babies, children and wives. Then God speaks.

Then in the midst of the assembly the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, the Levite of the sons of Asaph; and he said, “Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, ‘Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God’s. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel. You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you.” (verses 14-17) (emphasis mine)

SHA-ZAM!

I am not embarrassed to say that I started crying, strike that, bawling. Blubbering like a moron. I had such great relief and a sense of peace. Nothing had changed externally. This thing was still going to happen. The difference was, I knew my God was going to fight this battle for me!

In verses 18-19 everyone bowed in praise and worship to God. (They gave praise and worship long before they reaped the reward they were promised. The impending battle was still looming.)

Also, prior to the battle, the King speaks to his people and urges them to put their trust in the Lord. I think that’s pretty awesome.

In verses 20-23 the battle ensues. God sends the choir out in front of the army singing praises!!

Verses 24-25 tell us that the enemies had destroyed themselves and the people took their spoil.

In 26-34 the people praised God for the victory and Jehosaphat’s kingdom was at peace. All that he did was good in God’s eyes.

This is probably one of my favorite parts of the Bible. I encourage anyone reading this to go read 2 Chronicles 20. It shows what it’s like when God’s people fully trust Him, even in the scariest of times.It's powerful stuff!

Good News!

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” Luke 2:10-12

This is what it's all about.

The last few months have been rough. I have been consumed by many things. None of them have been Jesus, and that makes me sad.


Last night I sat in a restaurant with my husband. I was feeling pretty low. It seemed like everything was piling up and I was at the end of my rope. Just then I heard a song come on with the words "a baby changes everything". I rolled my eyes at first, thinking it was another lame song by Martina McBride. (sorry, love her voice but think she's cheesy) However the song was of course about Jesus and it was powerfully sung (turned out to be Faith Hill, another cheeser). Nevertheless, it really moved me. I almost started crying. Thank God I held it together. But it got me to thinking.


A baby did change everything. Jesus, in human skin, as a newborn baby, in the middle of a dirty stable, changed everything forever. Suddenly hope was realized.

We can sit and argue about a lot of things. Gay marriage, abortion, social justice, etc. and etc. but before all of that is this good news. Good news!! It was so simple yet so eternally profound.


Don't let this good news escape you. Yes, there is sin in the world. Yes, we were born sinners. Yes, that means eternal separation from God. However, there really is good news. A Savior was born unto us, unto you. He is Christ the Lord.


Hallelujah.

Blessings

I don't exactly know where to share my good news, so I'll share it here. It isn't anything huge by most people's standards, but it is by mine.

Everyone has their Achilles heels. My main one seems to be money, and issues of finance. I think it's that way because I was raised in a home where money was always tight. We had our needs met, but everything else was a struggle. Due to some bad decisions made in my twenties, I have some serious debt to contend with. Were it not for the debt, I wouldn't have to work. So although we don't quite live paycheck to paycheck, we aren't far from it. In a practical way, we're only a bad illness or big vet bill away from our savings being wiped out.

Now, with that said, the Lord has always provided. He did when I was a kid, when I was a college student, and now into my thirties. He has yet to leave me hanging. Unfortunately I forget that a lot and find myself in a tizzy over money.

Here's what my husband and I have survived starting with our wedding (5 and 1/2 years ago):

• Paying for our own wedding. (Had to borrow some from his parents.)
• Surprise tax bill when the mister's boss failed to inform him that he had quit paying employment tax on him. This was the beginning of many years of debt to the IRS. Paid off last month, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!
• Still having to put money back to pay quarterly taxes. And folks, that ain't cheap!
• Loss of hours at work for me.
• Cancer in our beloved dog and the subsequent vet bill that was well over 1K. Worth. every. penny.
• Other illnesses in our pets, probably in the thousands.
• Me quitting a job with nowhere to go and no savings.
• Me working part time for awhile.
• My constant illnesses and trips to the doctor, some of those when we didn't have health insurance. Even now the same, with plenty of dough going to the lovely drug companies.
• Several expensive car repairs.

Now, I can't begin to tell you how we got through it. I'm not even kidding. The math sure doesn't add up, but the Lord does.

So, now that I've provided a little history, I'll get back to my point.

We have been toying with a decision that has the potential to drastically change our financial situation. It would be seriously bare bones for awhile. I'm scared out of my big girl britches, but I have this suspicion it's the road God wants us to walk. Today the decision was made.

Since then, and I mean since 9 a.m. this morning (it's now 4:40 p.m.):

• Won a Kindle at my office Christmas party. Due to my husband so very graciously paying for my trip to N.Y. (details to come in another entry), there was no money for Christmas presents. Now, we don't really do the present thing anyway but there wasn't even money for a little thing. What does my husband want more than anything? A Kindle. Shazam. Merry Christmas, baby!
• Got cash from one of the attorneys as a Christmas present. Being a receptionist at a law firm is profitable at Christmas.
• Guessed how many M&M's were in a jar (part of our firm Christmas party) and won two Target gift cards for $10 each. Hello, groceries!
• Got a $5 gift card to Chili's from a courier service. (Thanks to one of the kind paralegals.) Just so happens to be where we're having dinner.

The Lord can provide in obvious ways. A raise, a bonus, etc. Or He can choose more interesting ways like what happened to me in the last 7 hours. 

Prior to today our firm announced that it was changing how they paid us. This results in an extra check in December. My husband also gets an extra check in December. Right in time for the yearly physicals for the mutts.

We barely have extra most days, but God has always always always met our needs.

I will leave work today feeling very wealthy.

Difficult Gratitude

I am bothered when gratitude doesn't come as freely as it should. I have been given the extravagant gift of grace, yet I often find it hard to be grateful. I know this is caused in part by my penchant for comparing myself to others. While I struggle with this, I am grateful that I'm aware of it. I'm also grateful that it's getting better as time goes on. I can thank only the Lord for that.

Grateful for:

• The beautiful fog this morning. From my office I can see above it and it is amazing. It's like being on top of the clouds.
• Although under the weather this weekend, was able to rest and get better.
• An unexpected blessing, a trip to New York in December with a co-worker whose company I really enjoy. A Christian woman who is a blessing to me as well as my faith. 
• Provision for the trip, a miracle in itself.
• A husband who takes such good care of me.
• Husband finishing his paper with time to spare. 
• Dogs who make life so ridiculously comical.
• Those involved in animal rescue. A completely thankless but rewarding job.
• Rangers win! Silly, maybe, but grateful nonetheless.

Winter in Fall

I had some important realizations today and wanted to share them. God has been putting it on my heart to be more open about my experiences, even the ones that are hard to share. I can't say I know why, but I'm going to follow His lead. Maybe someone will read this and no longer feel alone. I know I have read blogs for some time but never commented. Yet I have been blessed by so many who have bared their souls in this digital abyss.

I am experiencing a period of loss. Loss of health. Loss of purpose. Loss of friends. Loss of community. Loss of stability. This is my winter.

To be really honest, some days I feel like I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death. The darkness that envelops me leaves me completely detached every now and again. There have been plenty of times that my ability to function was a miracle in itself.

My desperate prayer lately is for God to use me. To show me where He wants me to be. I have been given no definite vision. I have prayed for God to remove this, He has not. I prayed that He would bind Satan if it was Satan attacking. Nothing has been done to that end.

As all of this rolled around in my head today, and with the help of a wonderful new blog I discovered, I had those aforementioned revelations.

1) God is very much in the middle of this. This is of His hand for His glory and purpose. I need some pruning. For a long time now I thought pruning was just removal of sin. It's not just that. It's removing anything that hinders the Lord's presence in your life. For me this involves the surfacing of old wounds that need healing. Richard and I were reading in John tonight where Jesus was walking on the water and the disciples freaked out a little. Jesus said,"It is I; don't be afraid". The Lord spoke to me then and there and I knew I didn't have to be afraid.

2) God is using me right now. He's revealing His strength in my weakness. I am weak, unbelievably weak. As I said before, there are days I couldn't have lifted my head were it not for the Lord.

Things may not be playing out the way I expected them to. But I know God is here and He is working. I couldn't be more grateful.